I did not just wake up one day and decide to pursue my personal passion to full-time coach and help others connect to their inner wisdom. It took a crisis to help me make an "exodus" so to speak.
I was a technology director in a global financial services company in Seattle. In May that year, my sister was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, In November, I unexpectedly lost my job in a management restructure, and one day later my mother died after a 12 year battle with Alzheimer's Disease.
Yes, I was grieving. I felt incapacitated by it. It was a lot to handle. What I did not know at the time was that I needed a guide. Someone who could give me the tools I needed to process grief, to let it change me. More on that in another blog post.
I was born a fighter. Competent. I could fight my way out of this grief, or so I thought.
It did not work.
A month went by, then two, then six. I was embarrassed, then ashamed of my inability to overcome my emotions. A concerned colleague kept calling and I found myself unable to even bring myself to meet her for coffee. It was like I had fallen though a missing plank in the pier, was in deep water, with no ladder. I felt like I was just drifting, treading water, flowing with the current, unable to get back to shore. After a while, that become the problem - my inner skeptic was delighted to hold my own inaction and sense of emotional paralysis in front of me daily as proof of what SHE would call my "personal incompetence."
It was a pivotal period. I came to realize the conspiracy of my inner wisdom invite me to transform, to allow something completely new to arise. I had a lot of inner work ahead of me (long story for another blog post), and I'm happily on the back side of that crisis and now living in the wonder of inner wisdom and its ability to help us make dramatic shifts if we will allow it to do so.
There are many great books on grieving well. Two at the top of my list are both available on Amazon:
Today, I coach people in the midst of grief. With hindsight I can see that the journey had purpose - I needed it desperately to wake up, and get in touch with myself. I am grateful for the transformation, and I would not wish that sense of shame and isolation being alone in grief on my worst enemy. You do not have to walk this alone.